Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
