i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
