Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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