I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
