The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
