The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
