I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize