I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
