How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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