Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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