You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize