Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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