hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
