We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize