Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
