if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
