Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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