I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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