The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
