You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
