What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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