But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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