if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
