My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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