Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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