Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
