I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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