my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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