I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
