this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
