So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
