I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
