I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize