its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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