i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
