i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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