Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
