I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
