This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
