I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
