I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
