I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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