i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
