Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
