...so i touched it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
