Can i not drive my cunt home
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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