Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize