i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
