My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
