how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize