dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
