I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
