she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
