told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
