I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
