the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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