So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think i have two assholes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize