I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
