So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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