There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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