friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
