You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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