You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
