remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
