nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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