This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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