Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
