why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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