we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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