Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
