I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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