I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
