farters have to be the big spoon...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
