you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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