apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
