i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
