Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
