Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize