I just made out with a guy for $7.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
