So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
