I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize