I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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