those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
