the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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