what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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