Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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