So drunk its hurt
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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