i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize