My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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