would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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