Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We have started to decorate penises.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
