You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
that's an acceptable place to lick
she smelled like a LAN party
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
