I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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