You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
