if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize