Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
