Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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