Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
