There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
