shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
